(me) Leeza for Haus Labs

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NEW WORK — I can say how thankful I am a million times. It really means a lot to me. I send all these photos to my mom and through all the bullshit she goes through, they make her smile. I am proud that someone like me can do things like this.

instagram handles of this incredible team:
Photo: @jenncollins MUA: @dendollHair: @florido fashion: @ladymaximo creative direction: @helloangelica head of creative: @jjlorell production: @thegoodgirl@fox.and.leopard

Photo by Jenn Collins MUA: Denika Bedrossian Hair: Florido Fashion: Lady Maximo

"it feels like a heart attack" April 2021

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On this months episode of chronicallysickchronicles, I your host, Leeza, deals with yet another random spree of pain.

This time on my left side, near my heart! I was put on a week of prednisone and a heavier dose of (drum roll please)….. you guessed it, Ibuprofen! Thank you urgent care… por nada…. doc came in felt my rib and didn’t ask for any X-rays, history, really nothing… lol...it is the reason I tend to avoid doctors.

I was experiencing a strong pain when breathing for the last 2 weeks. I thought it closely resembled a heart attack, i’ve never felt one before but its now safe to say that the pain of inflammation around the rib is CLOSELY RELATED TO THE FEELING OF A HEART ATTACK!

I finished my prednisone pack feeling just about the same as how I felt before taking them… a stronger dose of ibuprofen made me feel even worse, like there was a black hole in my stomach and chest. My back is swollen and painful to the touch. I can’t lay flat and I don’t have full mobility, safe to say dancing around the house is a little exhausting and slow these days. But despite my true and deserved complaints, I still feel okay. I dont feel depleted which I am beyond thankful for. Dealing with my reproductive system has taught me a lot about my own strength. When I go through these experiences, I learn that through each thing I connect more and more with my body. We become a whole being even though it teaches me through such pains. I learn how much I can take. POWERFUL.

*No BS I did not expect this series to continue on as a monthly series, unfortunately this is the body that I have to go through life with, I can admit I have good days where my body cooperates and is really good to me, I can also admit how truly painful it can get.

healing through— tinctures and nutrients

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This isn’t meant as a recommendation but as a documentation of my journey and my existence. I am about to be 25 years old and ive had a pretty tough physical body to deal with.

As I previously wrote, I just went through a long flare up. Immediately I knew I needed to increase my nutrients to reduce the inflammation in my body. I stuffed a bunch of yummy fruits and veggies into a juicer.

  • Celery, carrot, kale, red bell pepper, green apple, orange, lemon, and ginger have been helpful for me

I had to get on top of taking my vitamins. I have a lot of fatigue and taking or eating my omegas, b12, d3+k2, help in not feeling so tired. I needed a ton of rest, I spent most of the time on the couch or being around the house. I am thankful to have booked two really amazing jobs and I am grateful that my body stayed relatively well enough to (in my opinion) KILL IT!! :)

Stevie's goddess oil which is a Cbd oil I take by mouth, reduces the cramps on my lower back and abdomen by A TON! Her cbd joints are like no other cbd joint ive smoked… Its smooth and you can really taste the quality of it. ive smoked a few other cbd joints and can confidently say they lack taste and are too harsh. They are quite literally the freshest cbd joints out right now. I really love stevie, I smoke because of how much it helps me function. Having such quality cbd in my life has tremendously helped my pain. Even in the beginning of the pandemic my anxiety was manifesting in teeth grinding, I started taking cbd oil at night and noticed a huge difference in how I would wake up the next day, little to no pain.

Other tinctures Ive taken through this have been:

  • Shepherd’s Purse my HOLY GRAIL but must be taken responsibly, research!!! ( I use Herb Pharm) I haven’t tried any other brands but I am on my second or third bottle of this, the taste is not the best but I mask it in a shot of orange juice. I’m convinced this helped my spotting stop completely.

  • Cramp Relief ( I use the brand WishGarden) It contains Cramp bark, Black Cohosh root, Catnip, Wild Yam root, Scullcap. I try not to take this too often but two full droppers and a little joint and ive found the length of time between pain attacks is extended a bit. It gives me a little more time to not be in a consistent cramp. I do feel it works less than an ibuprofen but I try not to shove my body with those as they’re the only thing the doctors like to recommend.

I do my research in regards to what I put in my body. I am on birth control and there’s a long list of pills and herbs that shouldn’t be mixed. I don’t enjoy birth control or putting any western medicine in my body but it is what I have to do for now. Trial and error baby, day by day.

Flare up March 2021

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Part of my healing is listening to what my body needs at the present moment. When I talk about my body and health I instinctively try and simplify it to a basic sentence. 

“I love my body, even when I don’t feel it love me.”

But it is not simple, it cannot be reduced to a single sentence. Loving this vessel doesn’t always mean it is in its most healthy state, these days its not. I live with invisible, undiagnosed illnesses. I know I am not alone in having serious health problems go unseen, undiagnosed, and misdiagnosed. Ive gone through endless loops dealing with the healthcare system. Western medicine has never been on my side, their treatments have never been right for me, and frankly i’ve been misdiagnosed more times than I have fingers on my hands and toes to count. 

I realize most of these systems aren’t put in place to benefit or help people like me… Ive never relied on them, my momma used to cure me with sopas, Banos, and herbs for most things. Ive found slivers of solace in other natural remedies as well, it helps and living undiagnosed, you tend to have to cure yourself.

I will eventually recall my past experiences on here but for now I want to say what’s currently going on:

Im on week 3 of a reproductive flare up. My symptoms during this flare up are a third of what a “normal” “period” to me is like. The pain is more bearable but I have had constant aches and body inflammation for almost 20 days now. I’m left feeling like a speculator, outside of my own body. Its a numbing thing to have to go through constantly. I have always experienced a strong dissociation when it comes to my reproductive system. Recently, my disassociation has gotten a bit worse. Its not all bad, I have to rest.. A LOT. I dont mind rest though, i enjoy it. I am naturally a person that carries a lot of heavy bricks on their shoulders. So when I get a chance to rest, even if its forceful rest, I take it with a distinct ease. I have found a few natural things that have helped ease my symptoms and maintain more of a balance within my body.

Im going to make posts of the tinctures, herbs, supplements, and routines that have helped me not go crazy.

consciously consuming..

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I don't have much, but I have a roof over my head, and that's something others don't. It was instilled in me not to complain because of this. As I grow and advance in years, I learn to practice life with more intention. Essentially because I'm not financially stable and also because why do we give in to buying things we don't enjoy using or having? Does what I purchase make me feel good? Will it be timeless to me? I have the urge or rather the desire to be more conscious of what I am buying and who I am buying from. Where is my money going? What impact is the item making on the world or someone's livelihood? I've learned to focalize on trying to make conscious purchasing. It is more rewarding to me when I buy something handmade. I know an artist put thought and energy into making it. Buy from friends and friends of their friends. Support your distant friends' mom's bake sale(?!?). Buy a vessel, commission a friend to make something you want in their style. Shoutout your friend's brand, buy a shirt from them. Share a post, show a rich uncle your broke friend's art pieces. I know I could personally use any shoutouts. I love showing people my drawings and sketchbooks. These are pieces of me that I have made tangible to outlast my body here on earth.

I sometimes struggle to make things and not see a growth of income come from it. I have boxes of ceramics that I've made, that haven't sold. It is a beautiful feeling when something you made ends up in the hands of someone else. My good friend VJ bought a mini nomster I made during quarantine, I gave him a Celestine crystal with it, one of a few I carry with me always. It means more to me than he might ever know. To me that energy transference is powerful. I create things to live, it is how I can communicate to the world. The energy that I put into a piece is special, my hours, my processes are personal. It is made with love, with an intent to live on in this world. One day the right words of what ceramics truly means to me will form beautifully into swift sentences.

I hope to fill however long my life will be with treasures that hold special places in my heart.

Here is a list of people, artist, owners, creatives, makers of things— in my life.

Makers and creators of things

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There are so many people in this life that I admire, I just want to share them. Click through you might find something you’ll enjoy and cherish like I did. I hope the lists never run out..

Reality Check Club — Kayla created this website as a space for women to communicate themselves through their expression and art. In a year like 2020, a blog like this and prompts that get the brain flowing is necessary and healing.

Phlemuns — Handmade beautiful garments by James. Works of art and there are so many pieces that I look forward to owning and treasuring when the time and funds are right. I love Phlemuns, plain and simple. The mind of the creator is a beautiful one.

a Bad year - a portion of the proceeds go to @mentalhealthamerica, JE is someone I met two years ago now and have admired and cared for since. He says “Good and bad things are part of life. Accept it. The bad is a learning process. We will surpass it.” The Laws of the Universe say this in ways. Good and bad are just two extremes of the same thing. I copped his latest hat release, even though hats don’t necessarily fit me. Who knows maybe one day he’ll release a beanie, i know thatll be a good one.

Bueno- It Means Good — I met Alexander, the same time I met JE. We worked together! Easy to say I miss him and his energy. He’s passionate about his brand and his art and his tees have such a special element to them. It reminds me of parts of my childhood and upbringings, like having Chiquita bananas on a tee, brings memories of home and the food my mom always had around. Things we often overlook as we grow older but are so meaningful to us as children. It is comforting. I always look forward to the collections Alexander drops. From having Tito Puentes to having Walter Mercado and his brilliance on a tee, I know ill always see something that reminds me of culture I grew up in.

Zona Baari - I met Ruqayyah at Clay, she told me about the mouth jewelry she makes while she was sculpting a wall planter, she has a beautiful energy and i knew her creations would match that. She makes beautiful ceramic and metal jewelry and creates organically flowing textiles. Her angel bone earrings are my favorite ceramic piece of jewelry i own.

Come Back as a Flower — Cbaaf makes comfort easy. I own a pair of shorts and i can say i didnt take them off for at least a few weeks. Also easy because he sources beautiful vintage tees and i switched them out every day. My favorite shirts this year have been cbaaf tees. The owner is also just great, thanks D.

The Clair Sense— The Clair Sense makes wonderful crystal and stone creations, I bought a beautiful fluorite she wrapped for me. One of a kind necklaces with great insights by Lauren. Being around Lauren before, I felt the healing energy in the crystal I bought.

SSsylverLight Candles— I bought two candle pieces from Audrey earlier this year. The candles smell amazing, I still carry around the amethyst she put on top. They were in these beautiful cement molds with flowers sprinkled through layers of wax. *chefs kiss* you can shop her collections on Etsy!

Vavis Trenzitas— Handwoven necklaces and earrings by Vavi. Vavi not only makes jewelry but is also a great photographer and person and you could find all their work on their website (the link) I bought this incredible orange necklace with a brass center piece, it’s beautifully woven together. Thanks Vavi!

Jalxndra — Jasmin makes beautiful jewelry and I’ve had my eye on her gold hoops for a long time, they’re beautiful and dainty. I bought one of her solo dangly earrings and I wear it with all my mixed necklaces. Some good— lasting daily earring additions!

Hi.stevie — CBD oil that really does the job for me. I was taking a dropper or two at night in the beginning of the pandemic because my teeth grinding was pretty intense. I woke up feeling way less sore and eventually it stopped making my teeth hurt. I also use it in my coffee, I like a warm cup of black coffee, some cinnamon, and a dropper of cbd goddess oil mixed in. Excited for the cbd journey hi.stevie is having. Thanks Court for having me be a part of it!

I will never stop being inspired, we are all conscious creators of our own realities and I admire and love what people bring to their own lives. I will always be inspired by people.